Raising "For Ever"

Human beings are mammals and that means that we have an emotional brain that leads us to connect with other people to ensure well-being. We have the motivation to care for others, just as biases and judgments arise that operate to defend ourselves when we feel threatened.

Human beings developed a cognitive brain as well, to the extent that we were able to stand on two feet and use our hands to develop finer movements and build tools. We created language with this new cognitive brain and gained the will to remember or imagine whatever we wanted. Although these qualities are admirable, sometimes they play tricks on us, because when the mind wanders, it tends to go to negative memories or imagine threatening situations, promoting anxiety, as a protective measure against future dangers. Most of the things we imagine do not really come to fruition, however, we have already suffered for them.

As for parenting, we are caring parents of children who are born in absolute dependence on others. Other species manage to get their young to stand up the same day they are born and after a few months, they are able to provide their own food and take care of environmental threats. They are ready to go out to independent life.

In the case of people it is not like that. It takes our puppies a year to stand up, a couple of years to start talking, and about 25 years for their brains to fully mature. There is even a social consensus that they can be considered adults at the age of 18, at which time they could exercise all their rights. That's many years of parental care, if we look at it that way.

The truth is that, if those “adult” 18-year-old children decide to study, they continue to be dependent creatures, at least they will live in the family home that must provide the basic order and food for their survival. Many young people today postpone leaving their parents' home until they are 30 or later because they prioritize other needs, such as studying more or traveling.

If we think about it this way, people who have decided to start a family spend their best years in terms of generating resources and physical health, raising and maintaining children. And parenting lasts for so many years that sometimes the children's crises intersect with the parents', such as, for example, the children's adolescence and the parents' mid-life crisis. Or the grief of leaving the family home (and stability) of the children with the grief of retirement and leaving the working life with its networks and productive opportunities for the parents. Many times parents are taking care of their children and their own parents at the same time.

This is why, more than ever, it is so important that fathers and mothers become aware that they are their main resources for the task of parenting that runs in parallel with others such as work to generate resources and caring for their own parents.

Incorporate self-care activities into the daily routine, such as times to exercise, share with peers, enjoy a beautiful landscape, meditate or pray, among other activities that allow them to contact themselves, with those outside the paternal or maternal role. and with those who were before having their children.

Get in touch with your dreams and try to materialize them, rest when possible and cultivate good physical, mental and social health that will allow you to feel good about yourself and be better, empathetic and connected parents, prioritizing quality time in parenting, as well as of personal growth and self-esteem.

In the climb of the great mountain called upbringing, it is good to stop for a moment and instead of grieving for what remains to reach the top, turn your head downwards, look at the distance traveled and congratulate yourself for the achievements and efforts made. After all, only healthy parents will be able to provide health and well-being for their children.