Mothers and Fathers in search of Balance
“If you have extra hours in the day, I'll buy them for you” and we both started to laugh with great nostalgia, because we were aware that we suffered from the same thing: overwhelmed mothers who found themselves in one of the many activities derived from parenting.
Psych. María Fernanda Sarraf Aragón
5/6/20243 min read
Once at a meeting of parents, a mother of five children (who is now a great friend) told me “if you have extra hours in the day, I will buy them for you” and we both started laughing with great nostalgia, because we were aware of that we suffered from the same thing: overwhelmed mothers who found themselves in one of the many activities derived from parenting. At that same moment, one of my children was reading a book for school that was about a man who sold his time to make money and who soon discovers that there are gaps in his life and memory. Mothers and fathers that I have met have told me that they have felt this way, far from their present moment, because they live most of their lives quickly going from one place to another and doing many things to work and raise in an environment fast and changing.
They were lost, in a forest of many things to do and an endless checklist, with one and another new action that arises just when they have crossed something off the list. As Carl Honoré, author of the book In Praise of Slowness, says, “We are running through life instead of living it. Very often, when we get stuck in “fast forward”, we need a “shock”, a wake-up call, something that makes us aware that we have lost the ability to stop, to step on the brake. and that this is harming us”[1].
The first step to stepping on that brake is to become aware of not wanting to live like this and then reflect on how you can live slower. Start looking for new proposals that lead to a friendlier and more loving existence.
Actions to reconcile personal and work life become important, seeking a way to live more present and cultivating well-being. To do this, balances must be built, from the smallest to the most significant.
One of the most difficult arts in life is creating a sustainable balance to live emotionally healthy and achieving spaces to adequately fulfill the tasks of each of our roles in the narrow daily personal agenda. Because if you are a father or mother, there are generally many tasks, activities and responsibilities derived from that role, which are added to those of work, your partner, being sons or daughters, cultivating friendships and taking care of yourself.
Some questions that can encourage reflection are: How do I feel, right here and now?; What do I need to balance life and what is under my own control? How can I make the little things of the day count?
A small balance is connecting with the sensations on the skin of the water and its temperature, aware of the present moment. Also smell the fragrance of tea or coffee in the morning, make the bed and organize the workplace and admire the beauty of a job well done. Kissing and hugging those you love, humming or singing your favorite song while commuting to work, admiring the leaves of the trees that dance for you to the sound of the wind. Listen to the silence, do exercises, aware that you are taking care of your body. These small moments of connection with one's own life promote well-being.
There are also great balances, such as knowing the meaning of your life, being clear about the values that underpin your parenting actions, so as not to lose the vision that guides your leadership. Live for what you really want and not for goals that will be extinguished in the short term.
And, finally, appreciate your achievements, see how your seeds germinate in parenting and change what is not in coherence with the meaning of your life. Simply breathe, knowing that this moment is yours, it is full and it is just what you need.